Growing up with violence, incest, and rape caused me to distrust everything people said and did. My parents’ words were sometimes of love, but often of threats of punishment if I even thought of misbehaving. My older brother Kevin’s words threatened violence and death if I told anyone that he was raping me. Later, I… Continue reading Trust
I haven’t been posting much lately because I’ve felt like I have nothing to write about. Nothing much has been happening in my life these past few months – other than my abusive brother contacting me, that is, which I just wrote about. Then there’s the publication of my book and the two readings I… Continue reading Stability is a Good Thing
Yesterday I went to a church I attend every so often. I’m not religious, but the pastor and I have become friends and I enjoy his sermons. He is very wise and kind. The church is “Baptist,” but the congregation consists of people with diverse spiritual beliefs and practices. They are very welcoming to all… Continue reading Emotions on the Rise
See home page for details about the book. Note to my blog followers: My book contains many blog posts from this past year - most have been revised and expanded upon, some remain as originally posted. My book also contains detailed stories of my personal trauma experience as well as poems - some of these… Continue reading Book Release: My New Book is Now Available on amazon.com
I just ordered the final proof of my soon-to-be-published book. As I schedule book readings and signings, the old tapes assault my mind and cause fear and uncertainty. Thoughts that shout, “You’re not good enough.” “You’re a terrible writer.” “Book reviewers will hate your book.” “Your grammar sucks.” “You’re going to stumble over your words… Continue reading Silencing the Voice of Anxiety
Acceptance of symptoms from the traumas in childhood that remain have to be re-accepted over and over again; a body on hyper-vigilance which includes an exaggerated startle response, sleep disturbances, habitual negative thinking causing low level depression, disordered eating patterns stemming from age 8 as a survival mechanism, dissociation from the body- another survival tool, panic in small windowless places which includes elevators and airplanes, fear of people- knowing too well what they are capable of, and on it goes.
Patience and acceptance are not inherent qualities, they take effort and persistence. Persistence is part of my make-up. But no amount of it will take away the daily challenges. The work is ongoing. .
Out of the trauma grew a women whose voice is heard only if you listen carefully. A voice silenced in childhood, hushed by a mother embarrassed, and a family embarrassed, the voice goes mute. It is…
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My thoughts put into words.
I was enormously gratified last year to watch as the #MeToo movement erupted with a sudden and powerful force, to see sexual harassment and assault survivors courageously tell their truths as the world finally paid proper attention. I cheered the brave women and men who came forward, risking more of the judgment, doubt, and scorn they had likely already experienced. I felt hugely gratified to witness perpetrators of abuse finally being called out and made to answer for their crimes. Most of all, I cried tears of joy to know that – at last – our society is shining a ray of light on the dark, hidden, shame-filled world of sexual victimization, for illumination is the only sure path to the prevention of sexual abuse, as well as justice for victims and accountability for perpetrators.
I, too am a survivor, not of assault or harassment but of child sexual abuse…
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I was sitting with my journal drinking a cup of coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts when two middle-aged men sat down next to me and began to talk loudly. I tried not to eavesdrop on their conversation, to concentrate on writing in my journal, but something they said drew my attention. I heard the words “crazy… Continue reading Mental Illness and My Inability to Work
Gift of Grace She dwindled to a flicker of flame. Lonely as a loon in the morning mist, life held only shades of gray. She traveled a wooded path to where the river bends beneath a willow tree, happened upon a doe and fawn grazing at the water’s edge eyes transfixed upon her gentle, trusting… Continue reading Poem: Gift of Grace