Hi, everyone. It's been a long time since I've posted anything. Been working through long bouts of depression with intermittent periods of mania. I'm currently writing my second collection of poetry, as well as participating in two writers' groups, so that keeps me pretty busy these days. Now for the news. I've written previously that… Continue reading Reconnecting with My Abuser
Hi, all! It's been a while since I've posted anything. I've been busy getting my crew together to run cameras, audio, graphics, etc. and working on a shooting schedule. Pleased to say I now have the nine members necessary for my crew and we are scheduled to train on the equipment 10/1 and 10/15. If… Continue reading Upcoming Public Access TV Show
Hello, everyone. It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything. I’ve been busy working on several projects, the latest of which I am very excited about. I am producer and host of an upcoming public access TV show (still working on a title), which will focus on issues of child sexual abuse, sexual assault, and… Continue reading Upcoming TV Show
Setting boundaries is an important part of the healing process.
Little did I understand my ‘illness.’ Calling it that is a first for me. All these years I loaded blame onto my shoulders and into my being for not keeping up, for intense reactions, even screaming if someone came up from behind or around a corner. Usually that was my kids, and most times not purposely because they learned early on that’s not funny with Mom because it caused a very serious scare.
But there is so much more, and it hasn’t been given gentleness or compassion, only self-hatred for being so different, for not being able to do what others do so easily, for being so tired, scared, and forever mistrusting. Even when someone truly cared, in my mind it is, ‘What are you up to? What do you want?’
It is not a life anyone else would want. In the night it strikes. I hadn’t thought of my…
View original post 640 more words
It’s been three weeks since I spoke on the phone with my brother, Kevin – the brother who physically, emotionally, psychologically, and sexually abused me for years as a child and teenager. It was the first time we have spoken in twenty-seven years. He called my folks on Christmas day. My mother, who has Alzheimer’s… Continue reading Beneath the Surface
photo by Patricia
Price tag? One life.
Thinking back on my life, and looking at it now, the wonder is how this place was achieved with so much trauma and anxiety ruling each day. The power of one individual makes me take stock, but with a sense of sadness at what was stolen.
My life is worth admiration. Yet I’m not in it enough to appreciate that fact. There it is beside me as if I’m living that life apart from the real body and being. Retreating to my safe place is where I still go.
Though work occurs now to be present in the moment, it is work. At least now there is awareness that I go elsewhere.
A therapist once said, “Just show up.”
What did that mean? Years later, after the book, and delving into the community of women survivors of childhood sexual abuse blogging on-line, I…
View original post 306 more words
I did it again. I had the opportunity to feel emotion but I wouldn’t allow it to happen. The emotion was fear. I had a good Thanksgiving with most of my family members present. It was a Thanksgiving for which to be truly grateful, not because of the gathering and sharing of food and conversation,… Continue reading I Had a Chance to Feel…