My stepfather called me today to tell me that my older brother, Kevin – the one who molested me and beat me for years – was coming to visit him and my mother (he lives out of state). I’ve had my guard up all day half-expecting my stepfather to call me and tell me my… Continue reading I’ve Just Been Triggered BIG TIME!
I look forward to the day when I can take action on these wise words.
The struggle is to make room for all the feelings and not run. That door is locked, open it, let it air. Because closing off one room causes stagnation. Free the feeling by feeling it and acknowledging it is there which allows for quicker dissipation.
Running from a feeling freezes and locks it. There it stays until the door is opened. The tendency is to escape from feelings of sadness or loneliness on this bright sunshiny day. Yet those feelings accompany me daily as part of my whole repertoire.
Note those and move on, because other feelings also exist. When burying one, you bury them all; the bright greens of summer while walking the meadow as the soft breeze whispers through my hair, the heron startled by my presence lifting off with such grace to fish farther down the creek, the intense quiet of a summer day interspersed with a…
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Growing older is about much more than outward appearance for me. As I try to come to terms with the realities of aging physically, I realize that I have also aged emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. My self-awareness has expanded tremendously over the years. When I stopped to consider how far I’ve come in my life,… Continue reading Growing Older
Today, my therapist brought up discontinuing our therapy sessions, citing that I am doing well. I felt an instantaneous resistance to the idea. I had been seeing a therapist every week or two for nine years. When she left the organization, I was given a new therapist, Margie. I connected with her right away. She… Continue reading Last Day of Therapy
Messages We grew up afraid, unsure of ourselves. Stupid! Idiot! What are you, a moron? We grew up believing we were in the way. Children are meant to be seen, not heard! Some of us became rebels— lost ourselves in drugs, sex numbed ourselves with booze. Do as I say, not as I do! Some… Continue reading Poem: Messages
The trauma I had experienced as the result of family violence and incest, the gang rape when I was twelve, and the rapes when I was seventeen and twenty-six resides in my body. Trapped in my cellular memory, these events permeate my very being. They are a part of every muscle movement and every… Continue reading Trauma and My Mind, Body, Spirit Connection