Today, my therapist brought up discontinuing our therapy sessions, citing that I am doing well. I felt an instantaneous resistance to the idea. I had been seeing a therapist every week or two for nine years. When she left the organization, I was given a new therapist, Margie. I connected with her right away. She… Continue reading Last Day of Therapy
Messages We grew up afraid, unsure of ourselves. Stupid! Idiot! What are you, a moron? We grew up believing we were in the way. Children are meant to be seen, not heard! Some of us became rebels— lost ourselves in drugs, sex numbed ourselves with booze. Do as I say, not as I do! Some… Continue reading Poem: Messages
The trauma I had experienced as the result of family violence and incest, the gang rape when I was twelve, and the rapes when I was seventeen and twenty-six resides in my body. Trapped in my cellular memory, these events permeate my very being. They are a part of every muscle movement and every… Continue reading Trauma and My Mind, Body, Spirit Connection
The most difficult things for me to do were to share with someone what I was going through and to ask for help. I had great difficulty trusting people. I wouldn’t let anyone get to know the real me. I had thought that, by sharing my feelings or asking for help, I would make myself… Continue reading I Don’t Have to Go It Alone
This is a wonderful and very informative post that might be helpful for you to read.
I’ve been plagued with nightmares since the abuse began when I was eight years old. Drowning nightmares. Nightmares in which I’m being chased by my brother Kevin with a knife in his hand. Nightmares in which I’m suffocating. Nightmares where someone is trying to break into my home. Nightmares that relive the gang rape when… Continue reading Nightmares
I was going through some childhood photos of myself the other day, from ages five to seventeen. In all of them, I am smiling. I found one photo to be more disconcerting and confusing above all the others. In the photo, I am standing beside my brother Kevin who had sexually abused me for five… Continue reading The Many Masks I Wear
Having grown up as a child incest and rape victim, and in a home fraught with violence, I learned that the more I did what others expected of me, the safer I would be. Growing up with an intense need to people-please caused me to acquiesce whenever people wanted me to do something. I would… Continue reading Setting Boundaries
Finding my voice means being able to speak up for myself, to feel comfortable freely expressing my thoughts, opinions, and feelings. It means being able to advocate for the things I want and need, as well as advocating for others. As a child, I had learned that what I had to say didn’t matter. Whenever… Continue reading Finding My Voice
http://www.fictionalcafe.com/the-poetry-of-pain-by-barbara-lawrence/ Welcome to the Fictional Café, a virtual coffee shop created especially for writers and artists. Mike, Jack, Jason, Caitlin, Charlotte, Simran, Rachael and Steve, your Fictional Café baristas, welcome you! We hope you’ll love hanging out here with us, reading and talking about writing, commenting on art and photography, listening to original podcasts, and… Continue reading My Trauma Poems Published on fictionalcafe.com!