Frozen in place by the chill of the night
the snow angel rests in the arms of the tree.
Gazing at her I wondered
Is she cold like me?
Are her insides in knots?
Does she worry if the sun will release her so she can fly away free?
Then I noticed that she was relaxed
trusting in the strength of the tree.
She lay there, face open, aimed at the sky
soaking in the beams of the sun.
I internalized how mindfully this angel rests
knowing she is protected
by the deer, the fox, and the tiger
protective and kind
gentle yet fierce.
In an awakened instant
that although she is frozen by the chill of the night
this is her time to rest.
I knew that just like the intense springtime sun
relief is actively occurring
melting my gridlocked existence of powerlessness away.
I hear in…
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This is a long post, but I feel it is an important one. I recently had an experience with a Town official showing blatant discrimination against people with disabilities. I am the Resident Commissioner on the board of commissioners for my town’s local housing authority, which oversees five elderly/disabled housing complexes. The housing authority was… Continue reading Discrimination Against People with Disabilities
The door heaved open
exposing the dark, dusty gloom of the past.
Walking into each room
the light began to pour in
from all the love she feels in the present.
The past and the present began to live together.
Sometimes contentious, but with a newly learned respect.
Intuitively, she knew her present needed her past
so she could learn, change and grow.
As a new season begins
she holds hands with her past, lives in the present, and rests.
©Alexis Rose, photographer: Janet Rosauer
Thank you for reading my books: If I Could Tell You How It Feels, and Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph
Setting boundaries is an important part of the healing process.
Little did I understand my ‘illness.’ Calling it that is a first for me. All these years I loaded blame onto my shoulders and into my being for not keeping up, for intense reactions, even screaming if someone came up from behind or around a corner. Usually that was my kids, and most times not purposely because they learned early on that’s not funny with Mom because it caused a very serious scare.
But there is so much more, and it hasn’t been given gentleness or compassion, only self-hatred for being so different, for not being able to do what others do so easily, for being so tired, scared, and forever mistrusting. Even when someone truly cared, in my mind it is, ‘What are you up to? What do you want?’
It is not a life anyone else would want. In the night it strikes. I hadn’t thought of my…
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It’s been three weeks since I spoke on the phone with my brother, Kevin – the brother who physically, emotionally, psychologically, and sexually abused me for years as a child and teenager. It was the first time we have spoken in twenty-seven years. He called my folks on Christmas day. My mother, who has Alzheimer’s… Continue reading Beneath the Surface
photo by Patricia
Price tag? One life.
Thinking back on my life, and looking at it now, the wonder is how this place was achieved with so much trauma and anxiety ruling each day. The power of one individual makes me take stock, but with a sense of sadness at what was stolen.
My life is worth admiration. Yet I’m not in it enough to appreciate that fact. There it is beside me as if I’m living that life apart from the real body and being. Retreating to my safe place is where I still go.
Though work occurs now to be present in the moment, it is work. At least now there is awareness that I go elsewhere.
A therapist once said, “Just show up.”
What did that mean? Years later, after the book, and delving into the community of women survivors of childhood sexual abuse blogging on-line, I…
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