For those of you who have been following my blog, you know that I was sexually, physically, and psychologically abused by one of my older brothers for years. I’ve written about my resulting PTSD and the personal challenges I have faced in learning to live with the effects of trauma. I’ve written about my healing… Continue reading My Brother Made Contact
Recent Posts
GROWTH
Living a reclusive life doesn’t mean no opportunity for growth. No matter how I hide it comes knocking, and knocking me down. Those closest offer the greatest opportunity at overcoming long standing behaviors that keep me from my best self.
Instead of pouting, turning off and away with coldness from loved ones who hurt me, the pain and tears come. And come some more. Old wounds not healed, (can they ever be?) are easily made to open causing today’s hurt to compound into pain that doubles me over.
So this is healing. Tears, pain, then more of both. The damage done was that much.
And after the tears, though more leak out over time, there is a lightness and forgiveness for those whose insensitivities caused so much pain. Pain that did not match the circumstances. Pain that went much deeper.
Why does this affect me so? Going there, opening the…
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Those Days
This poem deeply resonated with me.
Those days
when
you know you are
okay
but you don’t feel
okay
those are the hardest
days
to navigate.
Nothing is wrong
but
everything feels
overwhelming
exhausting
scary
unsettled.
Those days
are the hardest
to just breathe.
Just be…
Just be what?
calm?
relaxed?
grounded?
trusting?
How in the present moment
when there is nothing wrong
can
I exist in a state
of uncomfortable
wobbliness?
Because those days happen!
Because that is the nature of my PTSD.
©Alexis Rose, Photo by Duangphorn Wiriya on Unsplash
Thank you for reading my books: If I Could Tell You How It Feels, and Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph
For Anyone Who Struggles with a Healthy Relationship with Food… I love Misty Tripoli!
I Had a Chance to Feel…
I did it again. I had the opportunity to feel emotion but I wouldn’t allow it to happen. The emotion was fear. I had a good Thanksgiving with most of my family members present. It was a Thanksgiving for which to be truly grateful, not because of the gathering and sharing of food and conversation,… Continue reading I Had a Chance to Feel…
Great Night at the Enfield Public Library Reading/Book Signing!
I had a great time at my new book’s reading/book signing at the Enfield Public Library! Great turnout by friends and the general public – many who are survivors or know people who are survivors. It was a wonderful group of supportive and inquisitive people who were interested in me telling my story and learning… Continue reading Great Night at the Enfield Public Library Reading/Book Signing!
Book review: I Walk With a Limp
An in-depth review of my new book from a wonderful mental health blogger. Please follow her blog to experience her insight and wisdom – shared from the heart of one who knows the challenges many of us face on our journeys toward healing.
I Walk With a Limp: My Personal Journey as a Trauma Survivor by Barbara A. Lawrence describes the impact of the physical, sexual, verbal, and psychological abuse she first experienced as a child at the hands of her family. She writes about the PTSD she developed as a result, along with a myriad of other issues including alcoholism and bulimia.
The book is divided into four sections: backstory, living with PTSD, breaking the silence, and a journey of healing. It’s a mixture of narrative and poetry, and also contains pictures from her childhood. Warnings are given at the beginning of chapters in which material may be triggering to readers.
The author sets the scene well, including small details that help the reader to create a strong visual image. While the psychological impact of the horrific physical and sexual abuse she describes might be the most obvious, she also writes about…
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