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This really resonated with me.

Patricia J Grace

The letter came, “You are permanently excused from jury duty.”

Words used to delineate challenges since childhood describe a very incapable person. Shaking off those thoughts I know that by owning my past I became whole.

A child abused is not allowed to recover. All those years no one knew what lurked inside, the tangle, confusion, and wounds bleeding deep. You look like everyone else. That is the goal because you don’t want to know either.

But until you do, the parts remain scattered and you run. You run to food, alcohol, shopping, and business, whatever takes you elsewhere than within your own soul. You don’t want to be you so you run.

Settle in, hold on, and peace will come.

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My Poems

Poem: Messages

Messages We grew up afraid, unsure of ourselves. Stupid!  Idiot! What are you, a moron? We grew up believing we were in the way. Children are meant to be seen, not heard! Some of us became rebels— lost ourselves in drugs, sex numbed ourselves with booze. Do as I say, not as I do! Some… Continue reading Poem: Messages

Personal Power

Words Can Hurt, Words Can Heal

The power of words is undeniable. They can affect how we think about ourselves and the world. They can discourage, or they can inspire. They can validate, or they can wipe away self-worth. They can bring us to the brink of war or create a dialogue for peace. Like many people, I grew up with… Continue reading Words Can Hurt, Words Can Heal

Mental Health

Trauma and My Mind, Body, Spirit Connection

  The trauma I had experienced as the result of family violence and incest, the gang rape when I was twelve, and the rapes when I was seventeen and twenty-six resides in my body. Trapped in my cellular memory, these events permeate my very being. They are a part of every muscle movement and every… Continue reading Trauma and My Mind, Body, Spirit Connection

Guest Blogs

Mindfulness and Grief

Powerful and insightful words from one of the trauma survivor bloggers I follow.

Photo by Geran de Klerk on Unsplash

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Untangled

My mindfulness and meditation practice is extremely important to me. Some mindfulness masters teach that you cannot fully begin to meditate until you have wept deeply. I once read a story of a Zen teacher who flirted with meditation for years before he decided to commit. He recalled how he wept openly and often for two years and only after he had grieved for many things in his life was he able to sit in silence.

Recently, as I was sitting outside enjoying a beautiful day, I began to feel the pull of profound grief and sadness for the life I had uncovered: the loss, the pain, the torture, the years that I clung to survival as my only way of life. I was sad for the years of having no hope, no dreams, and no promises made, thinking that whoever came into my life would leave. I don’t dwell there…

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My Poems

Poem: Rag Doll Rescue

Rag Doll Rescue Pretty little doll with dark curly hair, painted-on smile how tattered you’ve become cobwebs cling to shadows behind vacant hazel eyes dust balls collect in folds of your dress. I pull a thread dangling from your heart, witness the unraveling. Demons from childhood tumble to the floor, scramble for safety under machine-cut… Continue reading Poem: Rag Doll Rescue

Mental Health

I Don’t Have to Go It Alone

The most difficult things for me to do were to share with someone what I was going through and to ask for help. I had great difficulty trusting people. I wouldn’t let anyone get to know the real me. I had thought that, by sharing my feelings or asking for help, I would make myself… Continue reading I Don’t Have to Go It Alone