This survivor reclaimed her power in a beautiful and deeply profound way.
I hope our relationship has room enough for this conversation. I don’t require your approval. Though I do ask that you respect my decisions.
My tattoos are not some “old fools” thing. My tattoos are me screaming. They are my validation. When I was a child being strangled, and beaten and scared beyond my understanding. I screamed and no one heard me. No one saved me – including you.
My tattoos are me screaming now. Screaming at the top of your lungs for hours, isn’t allowed as an adult- they would lock me up in a psych ward and throw away the key! So I choose to get tattoos. They represent my survival. Though they are hidden most of the time. Those rare moments when they are visible and someone says they are beautiful – it helps to validate my pain. The very pain that no one validated when I…
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My nightmares are getting closer together and more intense lately. Last night was a new one, but an old theme – suffocation. After my older brother, Kevin, raped me when I was ten, I swore I would tell our mother in the morning. He left my room but came back when I was asleep. He… Continue reading Another Nightmare Last Night
See home page for details about the book. Note to my blog followers: My book contains many blog posts from this past year - most have been revised and expanded upon, some remain as originally posted. My book also contains detailed stories of my personal trauma experience as well as poems - some of these… Continue reading Book Release: My New Book is Now Available on amazon.com
The sky is a beautiful shade of deep blue.
The puffy white clouds move
at a meditative pace
as they roll overhead.
The waves of the sky.
Gazing at this wondrous expanse
I worry will the sky fall
if I say my truth out loud?
Will the sky fall?
Funny, it didn’t fall
when I journaled the words
and shared it with my confidant.
The sky didn’t fall on me
nor did it fall on her.
I once looked to the sky
for help, for escape.
I watched the clouds
move, and then turn dusty
but it was only the dust in my eyes.
I fell silent.
Today, as I sit with the truth
I know I don’t have to suffer.
I’m no longer completely silent
but sometimes the words get stuck in my throat.
Constricting, and pressing on my lungs.
Making it hard to talk, to speak my truth.
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I strongly relate to this and thought I’d share it with you.
There is a saying: “PTSD: It’s not the person refusing to let go of the past, but the past refusing to let go of the person.” That saying is a simple way for me to understand that try as I might, there are reasons my PTSD symptoms sometimes still have a firm chokehold on me. The list can be long depending on the time of year and triggers.
Autumn is beautiful and just started here in the Midwest. Blue skies and Vermillion colored trees often coexist with 70 degrees temperatures. This time of year, from late August until it snows represents trigger, after trigger for me. While I can appreciate the wonderful weather, the long season can be challenging with prolonged symptoms and what can seem like constant symptom management. If only my PTSD understood the calendar, and I could time my flashbacks to happen on certain calendar dates, instead…
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The other day, I went to a new support group with a friend of mine. An old acquaintance was greeting people at the door. I haven’t seen her in about three years. She asked me what I’ve been up to and I told her that I’m about to publish a book about my healing… Continue reading It’s Not About Me