Taking Care of Myself

I Had a Chance to Feel…

I did it again. I had the opportunity to feel emotion but I wouldn’t allow it to happen. The emotion was fear. I had a good Thanksgiving with most of my family members present. It was a Thanksgiving for which to be truly grateful, not because of the gathering and sharing of food and conversation,… Continue reading I Had a Chance to Feel…

Taking Care of Myself

Another Nightmare Last Night

My nightmares are getting closer together and more intense lately. Last night was a new one, but an old theme – suffocation. After my older brother, Kevin, raped me when I was ten, I swore I would tell our mother in the morning. He left my room but came back when I was asleep. He… Continue reading Another Nightmare Last Night

Taking Care of Myself

Changing How I Relate to Food

Since childhood, I have stuffed my emotions and memories down with food. The more they would try to surface, the more I ate. I didn’t just eat – I inhaled my food. I shoved it down as fast as I could, barely chewing and hardly tasting it. For decades, I have lived my life numb,… Continue reading Changing How I Relate to Food

Taking Care of Myself

Learning to Be at Peace with My Body

This entry might trigger you. It could be helpful for you to talk to someone if this happens. The relationship I have developed with my body is an amalgam of complex psychological and emotional issues brought about by the effects of trauma, as well as being raised to be a beauty pageant contestant and model.… Continue reading Learning to Be at Peace with My Body