A powerfully moving and inspiring journey written by a courageous and resilient woman.
Category: Mental Health
Adjusting to Life on Social Security Disability Insurance
Prior to being declared permanently disabled by the Social Security Administration in 2007, I was earning about $25,000 a year. I now live at the poverty level. This took some getting used to. One of the most important things that have helped me come to terms with my new life is learning to discern between… Continue reading Adjusting to Life on Social Security Disability Insurance
Mental Illness and My Inability to Work
I was sitting with my journal drinking a cup of coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts when two middle-aged men sat down next to me and began to talk loudly. I tried not to eavesdrop on their conversation, to concentrate on writing in my journal, but something they said drew my attention. I heard the words “crazy… Continue reading Mental Illness and My Inability to Work
Living a Grateful Life
One of the most important lessons I have learned is to live life with a grateful heart and mind. It used to be so easy for me to take things for granted. I’d go through my day without giving any notice to any number of small miracles and blessings that were happening all around me.… Continue reading Living a Grateful Life
Last Day of Therapy
Today, my therapist brought up discontinuing our therapy sessions, citing that I am doing well. I felt an instantaneous resistance to the idea. I had been seeing a therapist every week or two for nine years. When she left the organization, I was given a new therapist, Margie. I connected with her right away. She… Continue reading Last Day of Therapy
Trauma and My Mind, Body, Spirit Connection
The trauma I had experienced as the result of family violence and incest, the gang rape when I was twelve, and the rapes when I was seventeen and twenty-six resides in my body. Trapped in my cellular memory, these events permeate my very being. They are a part of every muscle movement and every… Continue reading Trauma and My Mind, Body, Spirit Connection
I Don’t Have to Go It Alone
The most difficult things for me to do were to share with someone what I was going through and to ask for help. I had great difficulty trusting people. I wouldn’t let anyone get to know the real me. I had thought that, by sharing my feelings or asking for help, I would make myself… Continue reading I Don’t Have to Go It Alone
Nightmares
I’ve been plagued with nightmares since the abuse began when I was eight years old. Drowning nightmares. Nightmares in which I’m being chased by my brother Kevin with a knife in his hand. Nightmares in which I’m suffocating. Nightmares where someone is trying to break into my home. Nightmares that relive the gang rape when… Continue reading Nightmares
Feeling Fragmented
How can I describe the feeling of being fragmented to people who have always felt whole? Perhaps none of us feel completely whole. Perhaps we all feel that we have lost a part of ourselves along the way. As a victim of violence, incest, and rape it took a while for me to become truly… Continue reading Feeling Fragmented
Battleground
Silence. Does such a thing really exist? I’m not so sure. My thoughts thunder like a triggered minefield. They criticize, they punish. They demand perfection. They repeatedly impose upon me the notion that I have nothing of value to share with the world. Negative thinking has been a part of my psyche for as long… Continue reading Battleground
I Walk with a Limp 