Category: Guest Blogs
PTSD-THE LIGHTENING STRIKES
Setting boundaries is an important part of the healing process.
Little did I understand my ‘illness.’ Calling it that is a first for me. All these years I loaded blame onto my shoulders and into my being for not keeping up, for intense reactions, even screaming if someone came up from behind or around a corner. Usually that was my kids, and most times not purposely because they learned early on that’s not funny with Mom because it caused a very serious scare.
But there is so much more, and it hasn’t been given gentleness or compassion, only self-hatred for being so different, for not being able to do what others do so easily, for being so tired, scared, and forever mistrusting. Even when someone truly cared, in my mind it is, ‘What are you up to? What do you want?’
It is not a life anyone else would want. In the night it strikes. I hadn’t thought of my…
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Would You Be Me?
This deeply resonates with me.
Exhaustion runs deep, into my core, my blood, bones, every atom of my being. I am tired. Even with enough sleep, I am tired. Winter’s weariness? Failures of self?
“It hard being me,” I lament to a friend, and whisper out-loud to the gods. It is hard being me, and I’m tired of it.
My thoughts tend to believe the worst every time, and that tendency consumes me in winter. Bleakness of soul matches the frigid temps. The havoc of this engulfs me in ways that wreck relationships. Others there willing to love, offering warmth and real caring, are shoved away brusquely. My best feature is turning away from you coldly.
Is that all there is left from childhood? Taking my trust, only coldness remains. I need you to keep away from me. Aloof, yet needy. It is so tiring being me. Dreaming of being someone else consumes me once…
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The Price of Abuse
photo by Patricia
Price tag? One life.
Thinking back on my life, and looking at it now, the wonder is how this place was achieved with so much trauma and anxiety ruling each day. The power of one individual makes me take stock, but with a sense of sadness at what was stolen.
My life is worth admiration. Yet I’m not in it enough to appreciate that fact. There it is beside me as if I’m living that life apart from the real body and being. Retreating to my safe place is where I still go.
Though work occurs now to be present in the moment, it is work. At least now there is awareness that I go elsewhere.
A therapist once said, “Just show up.”
What did that mean? Years later, after the book, and delving into the community of women survivors of childhood sexual abuse blogging on-line, I…
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The Quiet Descent to Tender Ground
The healing power of perseverance...
GROWTH
Living a reclusive life doesn’t mean no opportunity for growth. No matter how I hide it comes knocking, and knocking me down. Those closest offer the greatest opportunity at overcoming long standing behaviors that keep me from my best self.
Instead of pouting, turning off and away with coldness from loved ones who hurt me, the pain and tears come. And come some more. Old wounds not healed, (can they ever be?) are easily made to open causing today’s hurt to compound into pain that doubles me over.
So this is healing. Tears, pain, then more of both. The damage done was that much.
And after the tears, though more leak out over time, there is a lightness and forgiveness for those whose insensitivities caused so much pain. Pain that did not match the circumstances. Pain that went much deeper.
Why does this affect me so? Going there, opening the…
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Those Days
This poem deeply resonated with me.
Book review: I Walk With a Limp
An in-depth review of my new book from a wonderful mental health blogger. Please follow her blog to experience her insight and wisdom – shared from the heart of one who knows the challenges many of us face on our journeys toward healing.
I Walk With a Limp: My Personal Journey as a Trauma Survivor by Barbara A. Lawrence describes the impact of the physical, sexual, verbal, and psychological abuse she first experienced as a child at the hands of her family. She writes about the PTSD she developed as a result, along with a myriad of other issues including alcoholism and bulimia.
The book is divided into four sections: backstory, living with PTSD, breaking the silence, and a journey of healing. It’s a mixture of narrative and poetry, and also contains pictures from her childhood. Warnings are given at the beginning of chapters in which material may be triggering to readers.
The author sets the scene well, including small details that help the reader to create a strong visual image. While the psychological impact of the horrific physical and sexual abuse she describes might be the most obvious, she also writes about…
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why heal?
How to validate our emotions
Validating our own emotions is not easy for us raised in emotionally dysregulated or neglecting homes. It is something I have struggled with so much in my sobriety and feel sad that its taken me at least 23 years in sobriety to get this lesson right. What am sharing here below comes from the excellent book Calming The Emotional Stormby Sheri Van Dijk, MSW.
(the first step)… is to increase your awareness of how you think and feel about your emotions. If you don’t know how you respond to your feelings, you won’t be able to change your response. You can practice the following mindfulness exercise to help you become more aware of and accepting towards your emotions.
Sitting or lying in a comfortable position, take a few moments to let your body relax and rest, letting your breath come comfortably and naturally. When you are ready bring your…
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I Walk with a Limp 