As the days get warmer, sun and blue skies become the norm. Trees haven’t begun to bud, here in my part of Connecticut, and the grass has yet to sprout green blades, but I know these things will happen soon. My heart grows lighter as anticipation blooms. I am slowly coming out of my winter funk, though lack of physical and mental energy, as well as lack of motivation, still hold me back from doing things I enjoy much of the time.
Now that Spring has arrived, I’ve decided that I need to make some changes. I decided that I am tired of giving in to unhealthy food choices. I am tired of carrying around an extra forty-five pounds, which adds to my feeling sluggish and weak. I am tired of looking in the mirror and feeling bad about the way I see myself. Inside, I still have the heart and spirit of a dancer. I want a body to match who I truly am. Some people say that the body is a mirror of the soul, that the way we treat it is how we feel about ourselves.
I decided that I have hated myself long enough. I have directed my self-hatred at my body, treating it not only with disrespect, but with disdain. I have treated my body as my enemy, instead of as a trusted friend. The time has come to make amends for the abuse I have put it through over the years. The time has come for me to love myself and my body, to allow my body to become a vessel for my true spirit. I have made great strides in my healing journey as far as my trauma goes. I have become a strong, confident, courageous, independent, and powerful woman in my own right. It is time for my body to reflect this.
Last week, I joined a local gym. I met with a trainer, who customized a weight-training and cardio program for me. I will begin slowly, working out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I know it won’t be easy; I have been sedentary for far too long. My muscles are weak, and I get out-of-breath climbing a flight of stairs. I know it will take time. I will focus on small, manageable goals. I will apply the knowledge I have gleaned from numerous nutrition and healthy lifestyle books to my daily eating habits. I have my bingeing pretty much under control. I haven’t purged in more than three years. I will drink more water and less caffeine.
I will also work on my spiritual self, returning to the daily practice of mindfulness meditation and Qi Gong. I will focus my intent on what I want out of life instead of what I don’t want. I will work on balancing body, mind, and spirit.
So, with you as my witness, I make these intentions known. One step at a time. One day at a time. Slowly but surely, I will heal the imbalance that I have allowed to reign over my life.
I Walk with a Limp 
Focusing on small, manageable goals sounds like great wisdom to me. And loving your body, honoring it as the sacred vessel that it is (our spirit’s physical address, a favorite yoga and dance teacher likes to say…). Loving your body begins with loving yourself just as you are, today. My own struggles with body image have gotten me to realize that loving myself first have resulted in taking better care of myself, like nourishing my body with healthy food that makes me feel energetic rather than lethargic. I applaud your public decision and the accountability you get by declaring it in writing. I hope that your readers can all provide the kind of support and enthusiasm for the self-care in your intention! It is ultimately a goal I share as well!
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Self-love has always been difficult for me. I grew up hating my body because it was a vessel for abuse, both physical and sexual. I have learned to love myself for my many assets and even my limitations but when it comes to respecting and caring for my body it is a struggle. Thanks for your support! 💗
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Yes, it takes some time to shift our mindset and internal dialogue. And I’m sure your experience creates an extra challenge. But I absolutely believe in your resilience and I know that self-love or self-regard are learnable skills. After decades of body-loathing (speaking for myself) and centuries of patriarchy that have functioned to separate women from our love and regard for our bodies and ourselves, it is a radical and beautiful act to re-own and reclaim ourselves. I hope the sisterhood of women struggling with this can support each other in this. Healing ourselves is how we heal the planet. That’s my (not so humble) opinion. Sincere wishes to you in this effort.
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I am in your corner, cheering you on! 👯♀️
Spring finally came for us…we both made through winter!!
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