I just ordered the final proof of my soon-to-be-published book. As I schedule book readings and signings, the old tapes assault my mind and cause fear and uncertainty. Thoughts that shout, “You’re not good enough.” “You’re a terrible writer.” “Book reviewers will hate your book.” “Your grammar sucks.” “You’re going to stumble over your words when you speak and make a fool of yourself.” “You’re going to say something stupid during Q & A.” “No one cares what you have to say.” “You’re going to invest money into marketing and you won’t sell a single book – you’ll never make your money back.” The list goes on.
When I hear these thoughts in my head, they are in the critical and dismissive tone of my mother’s voice. She often made me feel that I’ll never be good enough no matter what I try to achieve. It takes tremendous effort to shut her out, to tell myself that these thoughts are not reality, to convince myself that I am good enough, that my voice does matter and can make a difference in the lives of other survivors.
I need to tune into my intuitive voice, the voice that tells me I am on the right path, that what I’m doing is important, that if I help one survivor find her voice and feel hopeful about her future, my book will have fulfilled its purpose.
I need to have faith that my intuition will continue to steer me toward personal growth and healing. Publishing my book is pushing me past my comfort zone. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, and my old need to people-please keep trying to surface. I will continue to challenge my fears. I will continue to take the steps necessary to achieve my goal. My only failure will be if I allow my fears to prevent me from pursuing my dream of helping other trauma survivors by sharing with them my story and my journey toward healing.
Thank you to all my readers who to continue to offer me support and encouragement. Your words carry me through my periods of doubt and give me the courage I need to succeed.
I Walk with a Limp 
Congratulations! You’re on your way. Keep walking through it.
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Thank you!
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Just wanted to thank you for your encouragement and support. I really appreciate it. 💖
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Absolutely! Anxiety and panic attacks have been something I’ve dealt with, but not like my son, who is often crippled by them. He’s finally on a medicine that’s helping some, but it’s a constant presence in his life.
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In my view you have already achieved success… your book is a great achievement, and your blog. Speaking up and out in any form about childhood sexual abuse takes great courage due to eons of taboo about doing so. Whatever happens now is all extra. You have already succeeded. Congratulations are in order, so CONGRATS!
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Thank you. It’s so much easier for me to have a fear of failure than to acknowledge my successes. I really appreciate your support and encouragement. 💖
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For me, I call what you’re describing Mr. Doubt. He never comes uninvited, with a briefcase full of why Im not got enough, etc. I always invite him in, listen to what he has to say and then show him the door. The feedback I get from my friends is I do that every time Im about to release a book, or give a talk. You are doing great and I am super excited to buy your book!
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Thanks. I show him the door, but he continues to knock. LOL! I do tend to become full of self-doubt every time I do something that pushes my comfort zone. I always manage to work through it, though. I guess it’s part of my process. Thanks for your support and encouragement. 💖😊
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My book has met with good feedback and I’m sure yours will, too. Ours are stories that need to be told!
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Thank you. My old behaviors of needing to people please and needing the validation of others are really strong right now. I thought I was through with all that but I guess I still have work to do in these areas. 😊
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It feel vulnerable to put yourself out there like that, maybe that is what stirs up those feelings. 💙
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That’s exactly what I’m feeling – vulnerable. Thank you for being so supportive. 😊
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