Personal Power

Learning to Laugh at Life – and Myself

Learning to Laugh at Life & Myself

I tend to be a very serious person, with little sense of humor. Perhaps this is a direct result of my trauma. Perhaps my wounds are too deep to live a truly joyous life. Perhaps laughter lies just below the surface, waiting to be set free.

There are times when I feel envious of other people. I don’t envy their monetary worth, their success, or their good fortune. I envy their ability to feel joy. I envy their ability to be silly, and their ability to see the humor in difficult or stressful situations. I envy their ability to laugh at themselves and their shortcomings.

I know that I had gotten silly and laughed a lot when I was a young child. My life wasn’t completely devoid of happy moments, like when my father took me on pony rides and taught me how to ride my first two-wheel bicycle. I used to love swimming in lakes and body surfing in the ocean. I enjoyed playing Jacks, hopscotch, and jump rope with my friends.

I remember giggling with my girlfriends as we discussed which boys in class were cute. I had laughed when I was in love with my teenage sweethearts.  The feeling of being in love was exhilarating. I had laughed with my college theater department friends and my conservatory friends.

So, when did I stop laughing? If I had to pinpoint a time in my life when this happened, I guess it would be after I was date-raped in New York City and had the abortion. Since that experience, there seemed to begin a gradual dampening of my Spirit. It was at that time that my alcoholism began to spiral out of control. Perhaps I had lost my belief in the goodness of life, and in humanity itself.

With the help of therapy, I have been able to come to terms with my past. I have been able to reclaim much of my personal power, which I had allowed to be taken from me. I have healed to the point where I feel content, uplifted, even happy, but the exuberance of my younger years continues to elude me.

I am not giving up hope.  I have come a long way in how I perceive life.  I’m not as pessimistic and cynical as I used to be.  When difficult events enter my life, I bounce back quickly. I choose to see challenges rather than obstacles. I can let go of things easier.  There are many activities that I enjoy doing. I have friends and family who bring Love and Light into my life. I am grateful for all these things.

I look forward to the day when I will be able to laugh at myself and my shortcomings, instead of beating myself up. I look forward to the day when I will be able to not take things – or myself – so seriously. I look forward to the day when I will once again be able to experience the freedom of joy in my heart and soul.

I don’t know how much more emotional and psychological healing must take place before these things will become a natural extension of my being. But I know that with time, I will get there.

3 thoughts on “Learning to Laugh at Life – and Myself”

    1. Yes! All my life people have told me I’m too sensitive (especially my mother), as well as too serious. It seems that some people believe I should feel ashamed or embarrassed because of this. I choose to own it. Though I hope to one day be able to feel joy, I am grateful that I am a sensitive human being. I’ve said to some people, “This is who and how I am – deal with it!” Thanks for telling me my writing flows – always good to hear. Hope you are well. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, sensitivity is one of best traits yet it is also one that causes me great pain. (not others, others benefit from it)
        And no wonder life seems serious. Growing up in danger and terror does things to a person’s psyche. My antennae has to be up and out all the time.

        Liked by 1 person

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